How did I get here?

Things never turn out the way you planned. Unless of course you are filthy rich or extremely controlling. I am neither of those things. Some would argue the extremely controlling part, but those people don't really know me. Ten years ago I was about the embark on the "greatest time of my life". My senior year of high school. HAHA. What a joke. There is no way on God's green earth that my senior year was the greatest time of my life. Still, I did have some good times. I was even voted most likely to succeed. I didn't really consider that a compliment at the time and I still don't. I think I was just the most obnoxious smart girl. I ran for FFA state office for the state of Kentucky the summer after my senior year. I had scholarships for college. I had everything going for me. So tell me, how did I end up married to a man that was all wrong for me? That question still baffles me to this day. I don't know what I was thinking except that I was young and "in love". Unlike a lot of military wives I met my husband before he joined the army. We were both in college and I was doing horribly at keeping up with being independant and disciplining myself to go to class. He was just doing horribly. So after a year of college he cashed it all in and joined the army. He proposed in July of 2002 and I thought I was big stuff. It was drama and what 19 year old girl isn't into drama on some level? I was young and in love and my future husband was joining the military. What a classic predicament. I was a WRECK when he left for basic training. It was terrible. What was worse is that I was starting to realize that maybe our relationship wasn't so perfect. But again, I was young and considered it part of the normal hardship you go through when you've been together for almost a year and you're really starting to know each other. I was stupid. I should have ended it. But I felt locked into the relationship because we were engaged and my mother had already started planning our wedding. Heck, I had a wedding dress after we'd been engaged for 2 weeks. Eeks. So he goes to basic training. He goes to Advanced Individual Training, surely we're ready to get married and start our dramatic military life together, right? Wrong. KOREA! Whoohoo! An overseas assignment! But were spouses allowed to follow? Nope. Not unless you're married and an officer's wife. (Aren't they so special!) So he went to Korea and I spent the next 7 months planning our wedding that I didn't even want to have and detaching myself from all of my friends because they didn't know how hard I had it. I was awful. I went to summer school to catch up, I distanced myself from all the people that loved me, and I fell more into the drama of the military. In September of 2003, he came home from Korea and we got married. Wow! I'm a woman! I am free from the constraints of being a young woman still under her mother and father's rule! I can make my OWN rules! Ok, I can make my own rules within the parameters of the military. I should have been tremendously happy and confident. Right? Yeah, I should have...but I wasn't.