Welcome Home

The day my husband came home I was a nervous wreck. I had gotten pretty big while he was gone (pretty big in the pregnancy sense let's not even start in about my weight right now ugh) and I wasn't sure how he was going to react to it. I hadn't had anyone to take pictures of my growing belly so he didn't really know what I looked like. That morning I put on my make-up, my cutest maternity shirt, my cutest maternity jeans. I threw on my tennis shoes to take the dog out and got so excited about leaving that I forgot to change my shoes. It was pretty funny. Let me take just a moment to say something about dressing to go meet your husband. Inevitably there is ALWAYS at least one (usually more than one) woman that is dressed very provocativly at the coming home ceremonies. It's pretty funny, you can tell she just went and got her hair and nails done. She's wearing a very cleavage bearing shirt and a very short skirt and some hooker heels. Cracks me up. They usually end up getting it on before they leave. If you are this woman, believe me, no one but your husband thinks you look hot. Everyone else thinks you look desperate and slutty. Anyway, I got up to the gym next to my husband's unit as quickly as I could and actually met up with my husband before the ceremony. We hugged and kissed and he was showing off my belly and I was thinking "ok! here we go! this is going to be good!" We made it through the ceremony (where I understandling cried my eyes out) and made it home and my husband went to bed. To sleep. I let him sleep. I assumed he was tired (of course he just had a long flight) and just let him sleep. This was the beginning of my husband's favorite past time after he came home. My husband liked to sleep, and when he wasn't sleeping he was eating or watching porn. After the first couple of weeks we just didn't talk very much. I would work and when I wasn't at work we would switch off being on the computer and watching tv. When one person was watching tv the other was on the computer then after a while we would switch that was our existance. I new that he needed an adjustment period (even though he hadn't been gone that long) and I was willing to give that to him. I was willing to give him whatever he wanted because he would very often remind me that he deserved it. He deserved everything he got because he worked hard (I guess I didn't) and it was HIS money. I wanted to go ahead and start slowly buying things for the baby and while he was deployed that was fine. When he came home it became a huge problem. He would flip flop back and forth between being ecstatic (when people were around) and seeming like he couldn't care less (when we were alone). My pregnancy was very quickly starting to wear me down. I didn't feel well and it was affecting me at work. I would feel fine and then all the sudden I would feel hot and flushed. Twice I almost fainted while helping customers. I went to the doctor and found out I had very high blood pressure. I had planned on working up until Aiden was born, but one doctor's appointment in December I was told if I don't quit I will end up with preeclampsia. Two weeks before Christmas I had to quit working. December also brought a very huge fight between my husband and me. The first of some pretty horrible fights. We had fought before but that's when the accusations and name calling really settled in as a fixture of our fights. Not on my part, but on his. I don't even remember what the fight was about, but at one point he actually pointed at my belly and said "Is it even mine?" I didn't even know what to say. To this day I can vividly see him say that to me in my mind. I don't pretend that I was perfect in our marriage. However, at this point in time I think the most horrible thing I had done was give him whatever he wanted and bow to his every whim. He would blow up at me then come back and say I'm sorry. The beginnings of abusive behavior. I just thought he had a hot temper and he really did regret it. I think he did to some extent but I don't know how much of his "apologies" were sincere. After I quit working I spent my days trying to prepare for our son and keeping my feet up as much as possible. I had a due date of February 5th and I didn't think it was every going to come. I was so big! I had only gained 20 lbs but I don't have much of a torso so I was my tummy was REALLY big! The last week of January my doctor didn't like that my blood pressure wasn't going down so I was scheduled to be induced on January 31st.